What exactly is shame? How is it different from guilt or embarrassment? What are some practical things you can do to avoid feeling ashamed or taking things personally?
In this episode, Nathan and Aaron answer all these questions as they talk about the problem of shame, a basic thing everyone experiences.
In This Podcast
Summary
- What is shame
- Embarrassment vs. Guilt vs. Shame
- Ways we stay stuck in shame
- How to avoid taking things personally
What is shame?
- A basic thing every human experiences
- It is similar to guilt and embarrassment
- Shame is distinct in that it describes your entire personhood
- Feeling exposed, looked at and judged
- Shame can be a shield and protect us from feeling the full weight of negative feelings
Embarrassment vs. Guilt vs. Shame
- Guilt is “I’ve done something wrong” but shame is “…and I’m a bad person because of it”
- Embarrassment and shame can feel similar in your body
- Embarrassment is the feeling; shame is the conclusion you draw about yourself and your identity
Ways we stay stuck in shame
- See the Fear Triangle series in the links below
- Shame keeps you stuck in the dark and in isolation
- When feeling shame, you might push others away through disconnecting, withdrawing, or attacking
How to avoid taking things personally
- Share the conclusion you’ve made about your identity with someone else
- Don’t take things personally; it’s not about who you are
- Separate the behavior from who you are as a person
- Take responsibility for your actions without letting it define who you are
- Not taking things personally frees you to become curious about why you do your behaviors
- Use language that focuses on your behaviors (“I do this”) versus who you are (“I am this”) to maintain emotional distance and power over the behaviors
Useful Links
- Aaron’s Healthy Boundaries eCourse on Teachable
- Sign up for our free email course, 9 Ways To Overcome Fear & Self-Doubt, that will guide you through our process of facing fears and insecurities so that you can feel more comfortable in your own skin
- The Fear Triangle series on our Shrink Think Podcast
Thanks for Listening!
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Meet Nathan & Aaron
Nathan Hawkins and Aaron Potratz are both licensed therapists and clinical supervisors in the state of Oregon. They each own their own private group counseling practices and co-own a third group practice together. Nathan and Aaron have been in the field since 2004 and 2007, respectively, and have over 100,000 hours of therapy experience each. On their show, they discuss facing fears and common challenges from a therapist’s point of view, imparting wisdom and humanity to their viewers. Along the way, they hope to not only share their insights but bring some light-hearted entertainment to make the journey easier.
